And so it is and so it was and so it will be

Who I am is an ever evolving journey of discovery.  A process that began at conception and continues into eternity…

I love the way my dog contours her body to fit as close to me as possible. I love sleeping in the middle of the day. Late at night is when I’m at my best. Fishing is a cathartic experience for me. When I long for home I long for Nyack, NY; Dorchester, NJ and Colorado Springs, CO. Most of all I long to pull up in front of a small white Cape Cod in a small town in Central PA.

Ever since I can remember, as soon as I open the front door, I have to go to the bathroom. I don’t know why that is…I blame Pavlov. Injustice makes me physically hurt. I wish I could save the orphans of the world. Sometimes I’m guilty of thinking more than doing. “I want to change the world; instead I sleep.”

I am a dreamer. I am an optimist. I shoot for the moon belieiving if I miss I’ll still land among the stars.

I have an incredible life. I found something I am good at and enjoy doing. It is also the most challenging thing I have ever done. Right now, just beginning, it often takes everything I have.  I have family and friends surrounding me. Still I want something more…the only thing better than the life I have now would be finding someone to share it with.

I love to laugh. The moments of laughter and beauty are the richest of all. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not wasted on duty or obligations or the “shoulds” of life that we weigh one another and ourselves down with. Good books, good music, good wine, good company, good food….And good football and a good healthy round of competition and so on and so forth.

I feel most alive when I am reflecting over a good book and cup of tea, when I discover a new song that stirs my soul, when I find another that connects with my mind and heart and rouses my intellect in conversation, when I’m gathered around the table with my family, engaged in an intense competition of Chinese Checkers or other such nonsense, when I’m napping with my dog, curled up under a fleece blanket, when I’m running or walking or riding my bike, when I’m on a boat, in the middle of a never ending labyrinth of brackish creeks, when I’m dreaming about the future, when I’m restoring things to order, or creating something, when I’m in the kitchen, cooking till my heart’s content, when I connect with a student…

I believe in life beyond this earth. Much life in many places. I am grateful for those whose thinking is other than mine – Tolkien and Lewis and L’Engle – who inspire my mind to dare to think impossible things it had not conceived of before. There is a part of me that secretly believes wholeheartedly in science fiction – time travel and transportation and positive energy and so on… I do not think things are as we believe them to be. The real stuff of life occurs on a much deeper continuum than our human minds can grasp.

I believe mankind is always speculating, postulating on these things because this is the life we truly belong to. The deep, deep dimensions of life that we only imagine and create in fantasy and fiction. Our human bodies confine us from wholly experiencing the depths of life. And so we are always longing for more.

I believe in eternity. An eternity with a Creator who has freed us from the captivity of our humanness. I do not ascribe to the religious nonsense of depravity and sacrifice on the earth leading to eternal wealth in the ever-after. If there is a Creator, he is so beyond the small material things of our human realm.

I don’t give a rat’s ass about mansions and streets of gold and bejeweled crowns… what nonsense. Those who interpret those words on a surface level do them injustice. Those goods are simply the best THIS world has to offer. They are rubbish compared to the deep realm of the afterlife. The thought of spending FOREVER singing “Amazing Grace” harmoniously in unison for all eternity sounds more like hell if you ask me.

Eternity to me holds the possibility of FREEDOM. Freedom from pain and sorrow, from this frail frame and all its limitations. Freedom to think deeper thoughts and see more clearly than ever before. Freedom where life is lived in complete harmony. Where feasting and celebration are never in short supply. And most importantly where my heart’s deepest desire is finally satisfied.

I want to see as much of this world as possible. To constantly expand my perspective on the world by experiencing as many others as possible.

I am too liberal for conservatives and too conservative for liberals.

I think I love the Creator of the Universe more than I ever have before. Actually, I’ve always loved him, now I like him. I don’t think He is who I thought he was. There is much I have to learn.

My opinion on many matters these days is simply this – I don’t need to have an opinion. It is what it is. What has been, is past, what will be, is yet to come. So it is time to simply just get on with the business of living.

I am an all or nothing kind of girl. Life can be a roller coast ride, but I am proud to know that I live with passion and intensity. I seek to know my heart and follow it. I go for broke, all out, nothing less. At times, it has hurt. But I can say with pride that I’ve risked it all. Regardless of success or failure, I’ll never look back and wonder…

Life, with all its bumps and bruises and the battering it can give, is sacred to me. There is nothing like it – love and laughter, pain and sorrow, it is all to be treasured. Cherished and honored. My heart can barely tolerate the knowledge of how often the sacred parts of life are cheapened. Thrown away and shared as though they were common place things, bartered and peddled as wares along the street.

I am not like others, I do not think or act like most. For that I am grateful. With each year I become a bit more comfortable with who I am. Less consumed with who I should be and more focused on the business of living. And so it is…


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